Every year there are resolutions made. Some we keep and others we break before the first week is over. It’s the same when you’re competing in pageantry. We make resolutions to be happy for the winner – no matter who she is. And then it’s not your name called and you slip into old habits of picking apart the winner.
To break that habit, here’s my suggestion for a new 2011 resolution: Be honest about why you compete. If you compete to win, don’t say it’s about friendship. Don’t say it’s about community service. Don’t say it’s to have fun. Be honest and say YOU WANT TO WIN.
It’s okay to want all of these things. You’ll never win if you aren’t honest about why you compete. Many times the winners really are there to have fun and make friends, but they also came to win. Once you know the real reason for competing, you’ll be able to properly prepare for the win. I became friends with two ladies at my only National pageant experience. I think we all came to win but we didn’t let that consume us. We also came to make friends, have fun, and eat cheesecake. Guess what? We all made top ten. We weren’t mean to other ladies. We didn’t try to sabotage anyone. We brought our A game. One of those ladies won, and the other was in the top 5. I was “only” in the top ten but felt like I conquered the world. I didn’t talk about the winner. I came home and shared my success with all of my supporters – and to this day they refer to me as forever their Queen.
Another lady has captured every Mrs title in her State. She LOVES competing…..and she’s good at it. She will always tell you that she’s in it to win it. Yet, all of her competitors love her because she means them no harm. She prepares herself for the win, puts it in God’s hands, and then goes out to have fun.
Truth gives off the most brilliant of lights. If you are honest and truthful with yourself about why you compete or continue to compete, the judges will see your inner and outer beauty. It may be your night to take home the crown, or it may be your night to be genuinely happy for your new friend.
My resolution is to update once a week - let's home I don't break that resolution!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Monday, August 9, 2010
Feeling Vulnerable
Tonight, I’m feeling extra vulnerable. I know I have to make myself vulnerable in order to grow. Even still, it hurts when people – those who claim to be friends and those who have never met me go out of their way to attack me. I like to guard my family, my friends and my emotions from harm. So, it doesn’t go down easy when my open arms approach is met by swords and daggers.
As a pageant director, I take a lot of abuse. From many that I have helped and from plenty who have never met me. I don’t know what it says about them but as a human with a heart, I will say that it hurts me. I love being a pageant director and you can ask my husband …….I don’t do it for the money! I love giving women the opportunity to enhance their purpose and expand their reach in their communities, across their state and around the country. I don’t hide behind message boards. I don’t try to take down the competition.
There’s enough room in every state for International,
I know that by making myself vulnerable to all I have been able to touch a few. That gives me comfort even as I continue to struggle with opening myself up to unwarranted attacks. The next few months will be about prayer and self exploration. Is it worth it? Do I want to continue to put myself and my family through this? Maybe……………
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Why Walk When You Can Strut
I mean who doesn’t want her own theme music right? In my mind, there is always a Beyonce song playing when I walk. As a result, I have a confidence and attitude that comes across when I’m walking, on and off stage.
These are the things that are missing when you see a contestant “fall flat” onstage. She may have a great wardrobe and hit all of the Xs on the stage but without confidence AND attitude, she might as well crawl. Confidence helps you to believe that you are already the winner – no matter what the judges say. Attitude lets you work the crowd and the judges. It’s the wow factor or that thing that makes the audience gasp when the light hits you.
Of course, you have to temper confidence and attitude based on the category of competition. Are you a fun loving gal who loves her body in fitness? Or are you the next Heidi Klum or Tyra Banks when the music starts for fun fashion? Or are you the Belle of the Ball in evening gown who knows that everyone wants to be her but you only want to be with the one you love? It’s important to know your part before showtime. Don’t hold back in rehearsal. If you do, you’re likely to miss the mark when the real show begins. A $5000 gown or $3000 fun fashion wear is just a heap of material if the girl in the clothes is a shrinking violet.
In the words of Tim Gunn, you’ve got to “Make it Work.” Now find your theme song, put in on your mental Ipod and rock the runway – on and off stage.
These are the things that are missing when you see a contestant “fall flat” onstage. She may have a great wardrobe and hit all of the Xs on the stage but without confidence AND attitude, she might as well crawl. Confidence helps you to believe that you are already the winner – no matter what the judges say. Attitude lets you work the crowd and the judges. It’s the wow factor or that thing that makes the audience gasp when the light hits you.
Of course, you have to temper confidence and attitude based on the category of competition. Are you a fun loving gal who loves her body in fitness? Or are you the next Heidi Klum or Tyra Banks when the music starts for fun fashion? Or are you the Belle of the Ball in evening gown who knows that everyone wants to be her but you only want to be with the one you love? It’s important to know your part before showtime. Don’t hold back in rehearsal. If you do, you’re likely to miss the mark when the real show begins. A $5000 gown or $3000 fun fashion wear is just a heap of material if the girl in the clothes is a shrinking violet.
In the words of Tim Gunn, you’ve got to “Make it Work.” Now find your theme song, put in on your mental Ipod and rock the runway – on and off stage.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
The Evil Eye of Pageantry
The Evil Eye of pageantry is the 10% of individuals who are negative, catty, spiteful, revengeful, and downright despicable. These individuals don’t care about anything other than winning. They attack everyone – young and old. I understand that not winning is a hard pill to swallow. But it happens. Ladies - in the words of Rodney King “can’t we all just get along?”
I am appalled at some of the personal attacks that I have seen against women in pageantry. Is it really your business what happens in someone’s private life? Do you know what “really” happened or are you drawing your own conclusions based on your own selfish reasons? If you are really concerned, did you go to the head of the pageant system (local, state or National) to provide them with the information? If you did, you have your done your duty and should now step back and let them make an informed business decision. Because in the end, pageantry is a business! You are not the moral police. If you were, you would not post your “concerns” anonymously. Honestly, you wouldn’t post your concerns at all. It’s time to man up and grow up. Judges pick titleholders based on the person’s performance. You don’t have to like their decision but I suggest you respect their decision.
If not winning sends you into a tailspin that requires you to attack winners, their families, their professions, their coaches and every person who they have ever known, you need to find a new hobby. I really hope I never experience that type of personal attack because I am so far from perfect that all kinds of skeletons would likely tumble from my closet! Don’t even get me started about that one summer vacation……………………
Seriously, the Evil Eye of pageantry is only about 10% of the industry, yet it gives the other 90% a VERY BAD image. Pageantry is a small world with less than 6 degrees of separation – your behavior will likely come back if you don’t let go of the anger and move on. If you don’t like the results stop competing all together or find a system that best meets your needs, values and morals. The Christian thing to do is pray about your feelings and ask God to help you – that’s what I do even when I feel wronged or slighted.
John 8:7 - "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Whether it be a marble, pebble or rhinestone, take a hard look at yourself to see if that stone will come back to haunt you.
I am appalled at some of the personal attacks that I have seen against women in pageantry. Is it really your business what happens in someone’s private life? Do you know what “really” happened or are you drawing your own conclusions based on your own selfish reasons? If you are really concerned, did you go to the head of the pageant system (local, state or National) to provide them with the information? If you did, you have your done your duty and should now step back and let them make an informed business decision. Because in the end, pageantry is a business! You are not the moral police. If you were, you would not post your “concerns” anonymously. Honestly, you wouldn’t post your concerns at all. It’s time to man up and grow up. Judges pick titleholders based on the person’s performance. You don’t have to like their decision but I suggest you respect their decision.
If not winning sends you into a tailspin that requires you to attack winners, their families, their professions, their coaches and every person who they have ever known, you need to find a new hobby. I really hope I never experience that type of personal attack because I am so far from perfect that all kinds of skeletons would likely tumble from my closet! Don’t even get me started about that one summer vacation……………………
Seriously, the Evil Eye of pageantry is only about 10% of the industry, yet it gives the other 90% a VERY BAD image. Pageantry is a small world with less than 6 degrees of separation – your behavior will likely come back if you don’t let go of the anger and move on. If you don’t like the results stop competing all together or find a system that best meets your needs, values and morals. The Christian thing to do is pray about your feelings and ask God to help you – that’s what I do even when I feel wronged or slighted.
John 8:7 - "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Whether it be a marble, pebble or rhinestone, take a hard look at yourself to see if that stone will come back to haunt you.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Observations
Have you ever just observed your surroundings? For example, I walk about 2 miles from the train to my office most days. Most of the time I'm focused on the walk to make sure I get to work on time. But at least once a week, I focus on the actual walk. During that time, I have made some very interesting observations. For example, there is a Capitol Police Officer who is always playing with his dog in the dog park - you can tell he really loves that dog. There are the two men pushing baby strollers while jogging - funny because you normally see moms doing this. There was the dead squirrel who I think was starting to decompose (pretty gross). One of the funniest was when the Capitol ambulance pulled up and out jumped three EMTs in business suits with their medical gear on their back. I understand being dressed but that was hilarious. I won't even tell you about the day the rat the size of squirrel almost ran over my foot (thank goodness I was paying attention that day).
Now that I'm at pageant week, I'm observing people.....and it's quite interesting. I'll just say I hope that all of the contestants remember this is just one week of their lives. I hope they enjoy every moment, write down memories to cherish, and go home filled with excitement even if they don't take home the big honking crown.
Life is so short that we really need to make time to stop and smell the roses. Live - Love and Laugh, at your self and at the world.
Now that I'm at pageant week, I'm observing people.....and it's quite interesting. I'll just say I hope that all of the contestants remember this is just one week of their lives. I hope they enjoy every moment, write down memories to cherish, and go home filled with excitement even if they don't take home the big honking crown.
Life is so short that we really need to make time to stop and smell the roses. Live - Love and Laugh, at your self and at the world.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Miss International 2010
Tamika, Miss Virginia International 2010, and the other amazing young women officially began their National competition at 8pm last night for Orientation. So many beautiful and accomplished ladies. Glad I'm not a judge!
I wonder if everyone feels prepared and ready? I get the feeling that some folks didn't know what to expect because they are new to the system. Those are the folks that I love to help. You know the ones who don't have a director and are flying by the seat of their pants to a National competition that is top of the line. I'll bet those young ladies wouldn't feel "stifled" by having a director. I'm sure they would cherish the opportunity for a little (or a lot) of guidance.
Since I can't direct them all, I'll be sure to offer a kind smile and a word of encouragement to all of the ladies. I'm excited for Tamika because I know she's awesome but I'm excited for all the others who are embarking on an exciting journey that includes someone picking up the big crown. But more importantly, I hope it means that all of the ladies learn a few things about themselves, make some new friends, and take home memories for a lifetime. And maybe, just maybe VA will leave with two crowns instead of one...........................yes, I'm a little partial!
I wonder if everyone feels prepared and ready? I get the feeling that some folks didn't know what to expect because they are new to the system. Those are the folks that I love to help. You know the ones who don't have a director and are flying by the seat of their pants to a National competition that is top of the line. I'll bet those young ladies wouldn't feel "stifled" by having a director. I'm sure they would cherish the opportunity for a little (or a lot) of guidance.
Since I can't direct them all, I'll be sure to offer a kind smile and a word of encouragement to all of the ladies. I'm excited for Tamika because I know she's awesome but I'm excited for all the others who are embarking on an exciting journey that includes someone picking up the big crown. But more importantly, I hope it means that all of the ladies learn a few things about themselves, make some new friends, and take home memories for a lifetime. And maybe, just maybe VA will leave with two crowns instead of one...........................yes, I'm a little partial!
Pageant Patty Philosophy
What's a pageant patty? And is it bad to be a pageant patty? In my short pageant career, I've learned there are two types of Pageant Patty's. First, there is the girl/woman who can only answer questions for which she has been prepped and scripted. This is the Pageant Patty that gives pageantry a bad name. The other is the kind who competes on a regular basis because she enjoys competing. She may be called a crown chaser by some but in the end she doesn't do it to make herself seem better than others. She loves competing, has the means to do so, has a heart of gold, and has a lot of fun. I am not a Pageant Patty.
There is nothing traditional about me and my love of pageantry (except that I believe everything has the potential to be stoned!). I don't know the names of all the National Directors or National titleholders. I don't call other folks titleholders and ask them to sign up for my pageant before they give up their title (this is quite rude). I don't know Sherri Hill personally and I don't have a pageant trust fund. I don't believe that the depth of your bank account will determine your quality as a queen.
I'm not sure why I set myself up for the abuse I take as a pageant Director. Everyone loves me....until they don't win. Then I, along with many other pageant directors, are blasted as money grabbing monsters who fixed the pageant for someone they've never met before pageant workshop! Yet, I will say that it's the Sarahs, Tinas, Joys, and Ashleys of the pageant world who make me renew every year. When I see them grow, expand and exude that inner confidence, my heart fills with pride.
There is nothing traditional about me and my love of pageantry (except that I believe everything has the potential to be stoned!). I don't know the names of all the National Directors or National titleholders. I don't call other folks titleholders and ask them to sign up for my pageant before they give up their title (this is quite rude). I don't know Sherri Hill personally and I don't have a pageant trust fund. I don't believe that the depth of your bank account will determine your quality as a queen.
I'm not sure why I set myself up for the abuse I take as a pageant Director. Everyone loves me....until they don't win. Then I, along with many other pageant directors, are blasted as money grabbing monsters who fixed the pageant for someone they've never met before pageant workshop! Yet, I will say that it's the Sarahs, Tinas, Joys, and Ashleys of the pageant world who make me renew every year. When I see them grow, expand and exude that inner confidence, my heart fills with pride.
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